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I have decided today that I am using my gift of free expression to not only help myself but help others as well. I have spent my whole adult life trying to morph my body when I wanted the approval of others. This has lead to a yo yo affect where one minute I gain weight and the next moment where I loose weight.
I punish myself when I don't gain the approval of who I want to please. Or I'm bored, restless or unhappy. I eat not only to push down unpleasant emotions but I eat to punish myself when I feel I have failed. Is this you?
I thought food was the answer. I thought that when I began a raw foods diet back in Jan 2008 that diet would somehow change my perception. For a while it did. But food only changed it for so long. I forgot that affirmations and my perception was what shaped my success.
I was focused on the right things like daily affirmations. I'd give myself credit for the small changes I made. And that started the ball rolling. It was not the food! The food only facilitated health and weightloss.
Once I let go of loving myself and treating myself as if weight weren't an issue, the yo yo began again. I started to want approval outside myself. My identity and worth became my diet. I fell of and on the wagon. I'd punish myself by starving and I'd punish myself by gorging myself. This was not balanced.
On January 2008 I was close to 246 pounds. On March of 2009 I reached 185 pounds. And now I've shot up to 210 pounds.
Do You fall into this trap?
So why after all this time have I gained the weight back? I gained the weight back because I lost weight for my parents, for people that I admire, for the people I love, for acquantences, for possibly a man I wished I could share my life with, for vanity, for society's approval, to feel a sense of feeling accepted and loved by the raw community, to feel adored by beautiful, exciting people.
Reminded every day by people who say they love you
Most don't know how to encourage you to loose weight. Sorry to say but this is the truth. Learning the raw foods way is half the battle. Some are fortunate to learn how to eat raw and how to stay raw for themselves. Don't go raw to please others, go raw for yourself!
This
posted by Rebeka Talebi at
4:00 PM
2 Comments:
Hi, darlin'! This is a wonderful post! It is so true. Having had many weight issues when I was young, I can certainly relate. I am still trying to lose my last bit of weight, I gained some this summer. Yes, all decisions, I feel, are best when they come out of a place of self-love...we must become healthy for us...not do things based upon how others may perceive us. This can be a challenging lesson to learn for sure, but it's so right on. I think this blog is so inspiring. I think it will speak to many. I think you are great and wonderfully articulate...intelligent to boot. I think you have great spirit, and am grateful for that. Your words are refreshing. There are many who do not know what it is like to have weight issues. I am grateful to those who choose to speak out. Like you. Like Angela. Like Philip. Only recently have I had the cajones to a bit. Teehee. Love and Light! Hope you have a beautiful day, Beki! :)
I thought I might offer these links as a source of inspiration in general:
http://planetsark.com/
http://sarkforum.freeforums.org/index.php
I don't know if they are your cup of tea or not, but I love this woman! Her book, "Eat Mangoes Naked" was pretty cool, I felt. I especially loved "Succulent Wild Woman", I think was the title.
Peace out, Dear One...
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